Annual: The Films of 2017 - Part IV

Now we get to the nitty-gritty...

HERE COMES THE GOOD STUFF

*Full Disclosure: I've never been more indecisive about a Top-10-ish list in my life. The following entries are all up for debate, with the order of the top 17 changing right up until the moment this list was published. It killed me to have some of these entries not make the top 10. If only I could focus on important world matters. Nevertheless, I am insane.

EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN IN 2017

#53 - 41

#40 - 31

#30 - 21

#20 - 11

20) It

The Bottom Line: A clown terrorizes a bunch of lovely, foul-mouthed children in a flawed but fun-house of horror 

(AKA: The Goonies & Stand By Me concocted with Stephen King at his weirdest)


Here's a bit I wrote inspired by this movie. Read it. Or don't. Whatever.

The nostalgia of this film makes it feel like an lost classic out of the Spielbergian era, and yet all of King's no-boundaries-horror keep it wacky but grounded in a believable reawakening of the horror movie genre; a loving tribute to the pop culture of 80s kids coming of age in a dirty, realistic depiction of young adulthood, while an ode to the lost spirit of quality spooky flicks. It kinda feels like Super 8 in its throwback nature of likable kids getting into trouble with a big monster, this one being a spooky-ass clown.

  The mood of the film is dark and bleak relying solely on the crackling chemistry of the leading kids who never skip a beat. Much like Stranger Things, the kids are the absolute glue who hold it all together and by focusing on each one, the film succeeds at making you care about most if not all of them. The adult characters might as well be out of a Peanuts strip while the focus of the development is entirely on the 'Losers Club' and the despicable town of Derry. Derry is as important to It as Hogwarts was to Harry Potter and the film does the old town justice.

Finally, while the caliber of Tim Curry is unmatched by this Pennywise, Bill Skarsgard is clearly having a ball with the role, putting on an entirely different performance. He's a pleasure to take in and his performance is electrifying. If Curry was reminiscent of Jack Nicholson's The Joker, Skarsgard is this movie's Heath Ledger.

 Most importantly, the scares don't at all feel cheap (though sometimes relying too much on noticeable CGI) and while none of it will leave you with nightmares, the terror will often feel like a roller coaster. The entire movie is an equivalent of walking through a Halloween fun-house with all kinds of terrifying characters jumping out from every direction.

  The key is that the scares never stop feeling fun and because the kids feel real, you feel their fear, even when you don't feel the fear yourself.

With 2017, Stephen King adaptations have proved themselves worthy of a second conversation. Regardless, the world needs more nostalgic pieces featuring 80s kids with filthy mouths, riding bikes and looking for spooky adventures.

Also, RIP Georgie.
Pour one out for Georgie 🎈

Grade: B+

19) John Wick: Chapter 2

The Bottom Line: Bigger, better & John Wicker than the first
(and don't worry, the dog doesn't die in this one)

John Wick is on its way to being the best action movie franchise of this day and age. It fully, wholeheartedly embraces all of its absurdity, cliches, non-stop action sequences and cranked up Keanu.

  This is peak Keanu btdubs. Somehow Keanu kicking ass makes for a completely relieving action hero. Perhaps it's all the lack of the "whoa" dialogue (or just lack of dialogue in general). Sure all the bloody revenge motivation may have stemmed from the murder of his adorable puppy in the first one  (which wanting to kill anything in your path as a result is something we can all relate to), but at this point we’re on the Wick wagon of killing no matter what the reason, and the body count is at an all time high. The action is remarkably well staged (considering the directors are stunt men), the supporting roles are memorable (notably Common and the Reeves of Laurence Fishburne) but in the end, this franchise has always belonged to Keanu and Keanu holds this shit down from beginning to finish.

  Reeves puts 100% into everything he does, even if that 100% only looks like 15% of most actors to most people. Anyone who doesn’t like Keanu can GTFO. Haters can eat a d**k. 

BRING ON JOHN WICK 3

Grade: B+

18) Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond

- Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton

The Bottom Line: Carrey is Kaufman’s one, true spirit animal (in every sense of the word)

[He's also kind of a huge A-hole]

  I grew up in the 90s. Jim Carrey was an unavoidable presence. Everyone quickly knew his name and in his prime Carrey became one of the most extreme and animated comedians to ever walk the earth. Jim is honestly the closest thing to a real-life cartoon character the world may ever see. 

  That said, when Jim tackled Man On The Moon, the true story of Andy Kaufman’s career, it was clear that literally no other human in the universe was meant to embody the spirit of Kaufman more than Jim. If there’s one message Jim & Andy drives home, if nothing else, it’s that Jim Carrey is the closest living thing the world will ever see to a reincarnation of Andy Kaufman.

  A film specifically designed for Carrey fans, Kaufman fans, and Man On The Moon fans, J&E is an intimate and personal film that cracks open the raw flesh of comedy and dares to plunge into the psyche of an extreme comedian. While word had it that Carrey never once broke character even when Milos Forman yelled cut, this film gives the audience a literal behind the scenes look. It’s at times mortifying but consistently mesmerizing.

  For anyone that grew up watching Carrey do comedy and more importantly connected with Carrey’s comedy, the film is often heartbreaking. It dives into the literal madness of Jim’s method acting and reveals sides of him that are simply not easy to swallow. Jim takes every extreme to its furthest possible boundaries, truly embracing the very nature of Andy Kaufman’s mischievous methods to acting, and pushes the threshold to as far as anyone can handle it. When Jim becomes Andy (and/or Tony Clifton) he literally embodies their spirit, sometimes to a literal level.

  If anyone’s even been remotely curious as to what Carrey’s been up to this last decade or so, Jim & Andy gives clues to all the answers and Man On The Moon obviously shaped Carrey’s career and has had a severe impact on his life. Cutting back and forth between behind the scenes of MOTM and present interviews with Carrey, the film exploits all of Carrey’s talents, boundaries and controversial thresholds, that will make even the smallest Jim fans respect the hell out of the man’s determination and devotion to his career.

  Man On The Moon broke Jim. The film makes this abundantly clear. But the film also goes deep and far beyond the notion that Carrey only did MOTM for a career move. Carrey clearly contains a spiritual connection with Kaufman and his present day ambiguous nature to life’s grandest mysteries proves that Carrey was more than welcoming to embrace the very animal essence of Kaufman’s animalistic nature.

  I understand how wild and bodacious that sounds but there’s no literal better way to put it. Jim IS Andy Kaufman’s spirit animal. Beyond just impressions, voices and physical contortions, Jim took this role to another level; another plane of existence. He may not have an Oscar to commemorate the role but obviously the part connected with Jim in a much deeper manifestation than any of us ever realized. Jim & Andy paints only a small light on an astronomical performance.

  It’s depressing, it’s poignant, it’s powerful.

The film may get a little too Buddhist-friendly for some, but this one is a must-see for anyone who has a love for Jim Carrey, Andy Kaufman, or the art of comedy.

*50 points to Andy
*50 points to Jim

    LONG LIVE OUTRAGEOUS COMEDIANS

Grade: B+

17) The Post

The Bottom Line: Spielberg’s love letter to the newspaper is wordy, preachy, cliched and all things remarkable

  Here's the full scoop.

  The Post before anything else is a respectable film because it speaks directly to the political age we’re currently in. Living in a Trump America, if Three Billboards is the most relevant film of 2017 when it comes to the justice system, The Post is the most relevant when it comes to American censorship and freedom of speech.

  What can basically be dubbed ‘Wiki-leaks: The Movie’ The Post is a brilliant representation of the importance of news and the literal ideas behind the words ‘free press.’ The themes behind big governments covering up dirty secrets among US history are themes that speak volumes for this country’s state of secrecy and ambiguous democracy.

  While Hanks and Streep are no doubt the powerhouse couple of the film (if not all of 2017), Bob Odenkirk arguably steals the show. He, along with the rest of the gang at The Washington Post represent this sort of neck-tie, shoe-shined class to the American working people and they all perform with determination in executing their goals as their rights and civic duties to the country. Of course it all sounds corny but because it’s Spielberg, the film succeeds and nearly does a lap around much of 2017’s films.

  Because even though the themes and characters are relevant to our country, The Post is also just a remarkably crafted film. Every aspect from the gorgeously lit cinematography to the production value in the costumes and cars is astounding. Say what you will about Spielberg getting hokey or too dad-friendly but the man’s attention to detail in his craft is arguably improving with each film he does.

  No, The Post is not the best film of 2017 and partially because it lacks a sense of grandiose ambition. Due to how much the times have changed since the birth of Spielberg’s career, it seemingly becomes increasingly difficult for filmmakers to cater to a wide range of American audiences who either crave something mind-numbingly empty or desire something fresh and original. Unfortunately The Post does not truly cater to either party but it is a respectable throwback to old Hollywood. 

  If Spotlight was a reporter piece about exposing the atrocities and hypocrisies of the Catholic Church, The Post is a statement to the corrupt government we live in. At the end of the day, Spielberg has a voice, it is louder than ever, and it is designed for the American people. He truly is an auteur to cinema, and to the American in all of us.

#letitring

*10 points to Streep
*10 points to Hanks
*50 points to Spielberg
*100 points to 'MERICA

Grade: A-

16) The Shape of Water

The Bottom Line: 
50 Shapes of Water: Of course a woman can have sex with a giant fish-monster, it’s 2017.

AKA: Amélie meets Creature from the Black Lagoon meets King Kong meets Free Willy (and yes, it has a musical number)

   Every year there’s always one front runner that’s simply magical. 2016 saw La La Land, 2015 saw The Hateful Eight (apples and bananas am I right?); Films that are so well crafted they have the power to captivate and sweep the audience right off their goddamn feet. In 2017, that film is The Shape of Water.

  To make myself abundantly clear, no SOW is not the Best Picture of 2017 but it very much so deserves every single award nomination it nabs. If not a personal favorite, it's easily one of the most respectable films of 2017.

  Every damn aspect from the gorgeous, lush green-heavy cinematography, to the impeccable acting all around, to the beautiful score, to the detailed production design, to Doug damned Jones crushing it as the shape; the asset; the lady-f**king fish-man monster, this film is remarkable.

  No joke, if the monster was depicted as CGI and not a body suit as bodacious as the one Jones was sporting, the film would instantly lose a star. The amount of detail that went into that costume alone deserves a g**damned Academy award. Actors like Jones are a dying breed. Dudes like him and Andy Serkis are some of the finest body performers in cinema and their work should be credited double than the actors who don’t make the efforts they do.

  But beyond that, the film is also a straight up modern day fable; a fairy tale for grown ups; an adult Disney movie. As an homage to classic monster movies and old Hollywood, sure much of the plot is predictable but the way it’s structured will ignite the glorious childlike innocence that is rotting away in the black souls of us all.

  Between Sally Hawkins’ notably mute Elisa and the quiet tragedy of the fish-out-of-water monster played by Jones, this is a triumphant story that has the look and feel of an old fashioned classic that has been passed through the generations of time. 

  The way del Toro paints such mesmerizing communication between the two mute leads as a clash against a world filled with people who speak but are indirect is something poetic. The form in which Michael Shannon captures the cartoonishly defiant villain is one that is a very real depiction of an ignorant mindset from a bygone era of division; sexism, racism and themes of segregation, making the romance between Elisa and the asset so fitting for the time it’s set in.

  Perhaps it’s the early 1960s pre-Cold War setting; perhaps it’s the simplicity of the girl-meets-boy romance (if you’re cool with the romance being between girl and fish); perhaps it’s the musical number that pays homage to  50s show tunes, while portraying a dreamlike fantasy version of Creature From The Black Lagoon; every aspect to the film is handled with delicate care and all the attention to detail is thanks to grand master Guillermo damn del Toro.

  This is easily del Toro’s best film since Pan’s Labyrinth. It doesn’t quite reach that “magical” caliber of dark perfection that Pan does but this is a remarkably close second.

Also, Richard Jenkins is a national treasure.

You go, Richard Jenkins

*10 points to Richard Jenkins
*25 points to human-fishperson interspecies relationships 
*50 points to del Toro

Grade: A

15) The Disaster Artist

The Bottom Line: A beautiful tribute to the most transcendental bad movie ever made

(Franco will get nominated for this)

  I am a The Room fan (not to be confused with 2015 critical darling, Brie Larson’s Room). It is important to document this because for true Room fans; for unabashedly diehard, devoted, borderline psychotic FANS (the ones who attend multiple screenings and can recite much of the film’s dialogue line for line), The Disaster Artist serves as a sort of ultimate nirvana, all flaws aside, for anyone who gets even a nugget’s worth of ecstasy from the cult classic, The Room.

  That said, you can walk into Disaster Artist having known nothing about The Room and the film still stands just fine on its own two feet (may seem weaker than some of the other A24 Film competition) but more importantly, why would you want to rob yourself of the full experience? 
  As someone who fully believes in and endeavors the notion of The Room deserving its absolute reputation as lord of all best bad movies, I full heartedly recommend EVERYONE watch The Room before attending Disaster Artist, even if it makes you cringe. Because if nothing else, you will appreciate Disaster Artist that much more.

  DA is so much more than just the making of a notoriously bad movie. Based on the book by Greg Sestero (who stars in The Room), The Disaster Artist is indeed a story about an enigmatic filmmaker who followed his dreams and never gave up; a film about passion, and art and creativity, and yes it’s absolutely about friendship and it’s sometimes sappy as f**k, and it’s beautiful. The story is also abundantly about expressing your inner-weirdo with no fear of judgment, especially if you have a dream, and letting no one tell you when to quit (even if you’re borderline mentally unstable). It’s inspiring, even if for some of the wrong reasons.

  For the record, The Disaster Artist is laugh-out-loud funny, but on a certain scale it’s also ridiculously sentimental, mostly for folks who cherish The Room as a film, and beyond that, it’s also a movie for filmmakers, film lovers and hell, it’s a movie for anyone who feels like they don’t fit in; for people who feel betrayed and fed up with this wurl.
   Between Franco’s on-the-nose impersonation of Tommy Wiseau (not to mention his always-in-character direction) and the charismatic writing of Greg, the film is a personal buddy movie at the core of its heart. The fact that this is based on a true story about real people makes the film hit home that much more. The Franco brothers truly bring these characters to life (most notably James, who’s even gaining some early award season buzz).

 As someone who read the book, I was initially disappointed by the film’s decision to write out certain bits I felt really drove Tommy and Greg’s relationship, but once the guys actually start shooting Tommy’s passion project, I couldn’t help but be swept up by the film’s charm. Seeing these scenes come to life make for strong out-loud laughs and remarkable insight as to just how much of a shit-show the making of this film actually was.

  On its surface, The Disaster Artist is just a good movie about the madness of unlimited creativity. Tommy appears to be a bit of a nut job, even if it was only during this period of the film being shot, but deep down the film is also an expression of a weird, alienated, tortured soul who just wants to be beloved by millions for his art. In a bizarre sense, Tommy achieves exactly this but in a means he never intended. He’s an Ed Wood for our age and Disaster Artist rings true just why The Room is such a g**damned glorious cult classic.

  Obviously the more you know The Room, the more you’ll take away from the film. As a fan, it’s mind blowing to see just how Franco’s attention to detail is more immaculate than you’d ever imagine. There is so much going on in the film that, like The Room, it almost merits multiple viewings. But beyond the production value, the film also exploits Greg’s book beautifully. If you’ve ever had trouble describing to someone just WHY The Room is so great (and Lord knows we’ve all been there), The Disaster Artist provides a full hands-on understanding. It’s like The Room Psychology 101. One day folks will screen the two films back to back and they will make for GLORIOUS drunken nights.

  Disaster Artist paints such a picture of an artist because it goes so beyond the mockery of Tommy or his ambiguously, unexplainably addicting film of a car crash. DA indeed glorifies him for being a poor actor, writer and director (not to mention an absolute maniac), but it also exploits his passion and his vision, and it does so with all good reason, even if nobody can explain why Tommy makes any of the bad decisions he does. 

  At the end of the day the beating heart of the script is Greg and Tommy. These dudes are real life best friends and the film rings their relationship as a golden, cherishing truth to the story. But there’s an even deeper level in trying to understand who Tommy is as an artist; as a person (as a human bean), and unless the mystery man himself writes a memoir, Greg’s book and Franco’s film are probably the closest we’ll ever get to understanding the psychosis of the mad genius (if you can even call him that). 

  The climax of the film is the payoff. There’s a moment towards the end where we see a transition from complete mockery of The Room because it’s so bad, to an uprising of praise because the the film is so inexplicably joyful and full of energy. It’s a moment that portrays Room fandom so on the nose; so much better than any human could explain it, that if you love The Room as much as fans do, it might even bring a damn tear to your eye.

  In the end, The Disaster Artist may not convert any naysayers to become Room fans, but Franco at least gives us an understanding as to just who Tommy is, and his portrayal of disastrous artistry is a beautiful and hilarious tribute to movies, madness, passion, creativity, friendship, and to anyone who dares to dream (they don’t have to say it... they can feel it).

*25 points to Greg
*50 points to Tommy
*100 points to Franco
*500 points to Zac Efron and Josh Hutcherson
*1,000 points to the recreation of the flower shop scene

Grade: B+

14) It Comes At Night

The Bottom Line: Joel Edgerton implies that a lot of scary things are happening in the woods

(AKA: The horror of human nature [and going against expectation])

A24 is pumping out the best horror movies to date.

It's difficult  to not blindly lean on an A24 Film when so many of their films are knockouts. They are some of the literal saving graces of the modern day horror genre with just The Witch alone (one of the best horror movies I've ever seen in my life) and It Comes At Night is no short example of "doing horror right."

  To get the concerns out of the way, no ICAN is not better than The Witch, and no we don't really find out what exactly it is that comes at night (although the sex jokes are cute -- grow up, folks), so if you didn't like The Witch and if you're looking for some big solution at the end of your film, this one ain't for you, kids... What we DO bargain for though is much better suspense in the lingering idea of "what's out there" rather than receiving a blunt answer. People complain that the film doesn't deliver on its title, doesn't give answers, and doesn't have an ending but (and I know this sounds a little nutty) MAYBE we're meant to look beyond the concrete solutions and explore what it is the film is doing while we're in the state of watching it.

  That said, the film keeps its audience on edge from beginning to finish. Anyone looking for cheap jump scares or some major plot twist, can find PLENTY of trash in the genre. What ICAN does (and does so well) is that it builds remarkable suspense based on pure humanistic tension alone. Sure there's some kind of post-apocalyptic virus out there that's killing people but the film is so centered on its rich characters that the audience soon forgets about the story’s details and becomes immensely trapped in the claustrophobic nature of human beings who can't trust each other.

  There's a very bleak and cynical underlying message within the film because the uneasy mistrust between all the characters; their paranoid actions, reactions and suspicions all stem from legitimate human threats and fears. What begins as a strict protocol to stay boarded up because of what's outside becomes a virus of accusations due to what's inside, and rather than that terror being some sort of monster, it's the sneaking suspicion that these characters may be infected or killed in their sleep by the person in the next room. It may sound like a cop-out on some grandiosity of a supernatural element to the film, but the apocalyptic horror these characters experience feels legitimately raw, human and absolutely terrifying.

  The film spoon-feeds tension to its audience allowing one to digest the fear rather than having it pop out as a cheap and quickly forgotten jump-scare, and it is that very saving grace that is slowly saving the horror movie genre altogether. If this is a sign of what's to come, A24 can have all the horror movies they want. They're literally killing it.

Grade: A-

13) Logan

The Bottom Line: A period on a seventeen-year long sentence
(and one of the greatest comic book movies of all time)

   Logan is an occasion; it marks the end of Hugh Jackman’s exceptional role of Wolverine; it marks the end of a generation of X-Men movies; it puts a lingering finality on a 17-year-old franchise, not to mention it’s also arguably one of the better standalone comic book movies ever made.

  To be fair, I praise Logan because it pulls a few tricks from up its sleeve. For one, it gives Wolverine a fitting finale. For another, it serves as a sort of tragic end for the X-Men. No matter how many spin-offs, TV shows, or time travel theories keep this specific multiverse of X-Men going, for me this marks the end. It puts the nail in the coffin. From an X-Men franchise point of view, I feel Logan accomplishes a damn-near impossible feat: It makes up for even the most unbearable X-Men movies (and Lord knows there’s at least two).

  Logan is far and away the most raw, in-depth, emotionally compelling and flat-out best X-Men related movie ever made, so much so that after seeing the movie as an end to a franchise, I actually wrote up an irrelevantly, unnecessarily long piece to reflect my silly feelings on every X-Men movie thus far (I'm not kidding).

That irrelevant piece can be found: Here.

The point is, this one film alone was able to make me appreciate even the biggest piles of shit the X-Men franchise has ever sloshed through. That said I am not here to talk about Logan as a mere glorious, brutal, beautiful swan song to a sometimes shoddy franchise, but rather as a dark, gritty, fitting sendoff that dares to make grown men cry.

  For starters, Hugh always deserves more love and with Logan he goes out on a high note. I know it’s already damn near impossible to dislike the guy, but his 100% commitment to the role of Wolverine; his astounding effort to play the character in even the worst Wolverine spin-offs is something worthy of recognition. Jackman gives it his all and if it was seventeen years all leading to this performance, Hugh literally earned it.
  Patrick Stewart also must be noted as the film in a sense belongs to him just as much as it does to Jackman. The withering, decaying Professor X is painful to watch; like watching a loved one come down with a fatal disease. His character is poignant and tragic and perhaps one that represents the entire X-Men franchise in itself.
  As far as the kids go, newcomer Dafne Keen as Laura AKA X-23 AKA Little Logan is probably one of the best children to grace the big screen in 2017. Her ability to go from quiet, stubborn brat to screaming, shredding hero, as she literally butchers the bad buys, is something that takes true talent from a kid her age. Her and Jackman have remarkable chemistry, allowing the father-daughter dynamic to be much more poignant than corny.

  But aside from the actors holding it down, it’s director James Mangold who boils this finale down to a bloody, brutal Western filmed with gory gunslingers disguised as ruthless mutants. The way Mangold crafts scenes is sometimes done so with pure perfection. Between the raw grittiness in the way the brutality is staged, to the small, poignant moments of character, Mangold truly treats the property like a respectful tribute and finale that does not dare look back.

  Sure the action gets very action-heavy (for a cliche, if you will) and the climax of the film might even be the only hindering aspect as it becomes a little too caught up in the Hugh Jackman vs. Hugh Jackman showdown, but whatever flaws anyone wants to pick at are nearly all squashed by Mangold’s ability to keep the tone consistently brutal and realistic.

  Because this isn’t a PG-13 watered down Wolverine here. It’s a hard-R, bare-bones, white-knuckle finale, and one that is all things gut wrenching, heartbreaking and downright bleak in the best kinds of ways. It’s the way Wolverine should have been all along and yet for a franchise that often caters to children, it’s much more appreciative to have Logan’s last picture be the one the adults deserve. Say what you will about the inclusion of four letter words and lots of blood, at the end of the day this is the comic book movie the character of Wolverine was born to be in. The film never holds back on its brutality, even when it seemingly leads to formulaic sentimentality. The tone fits the broken character of Wolverine from the grizzly violence to the suicidal tendencies.

  Mangold takes care of Logan and for the first time in seventeen years, an audience gets to see Wolverine’s full potential. The film works so damn well as a solo piece as much as a final punctuation on this franchise, that it’s honestly got me completely satisfied. When it comes to the X-Men folks, we’ve peaked.

After this I’d actually be cool with never seeing another X-Men related piece of film ever again. 

 Except Deadpool.
Always bring on more Deadpool.

*5 points to Keen
*10 points to Stewart
*20 points to Mangold
*50 points to Jackman

Grade: A

12) Star Wars - Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

The Bottom Line: Mark Hamill graphically milks the teat of an alien creature for some blue milk, in the role of a lifetime 

(AKA: The best Star Wars film in almost 40 years).

Here's the in-depth nerd analysis.
Check it out if you want to divulge into the madness. Or don't. Whatever.

  It will take some time for the film to truly digest with audiences (especially outspoken, ignorant fans who demand instant gratification), but this is without a shadow of a doubt the literal best Star Wars film since Empire Strikes Back and it is only able to achieve such a worthwhile status because of director Rian Johnson's ability to push the franchise into new, unexplored territory.

  With The Force Awakens, JJ Abrams set up the chess board. With The Last Jedi, Rian Johnson moves the pieces forward. The new film works as a direct companion piece to TFA because it builds upon the world that Abrams has established. And with this new film, Johnson adamantly drives home the point that this film exists for the sole purpose of change; to go against the grain; to rebel against the very Blockbuster nature of "classic Star Wars;" an act of destroying expectation; turning from the very cliches, twists and tropes that this franchise has been built upon, daring fans to dive into the new and the unknown, making this the most meta, ambitious and game-changing Star Wars movie in almost 40 years.

  Because fans don't like change, many people are taking to a sour liking against the new film but those folks are blind, stubborn and ignorant. FOLKS, if you just open your eyes; if you only let the film digest in your hopeless, dark, depressing soul, you too will understand the excellence of such a film which has become a capital statement upon what is arguably the biggest and greatest franchise of all time.

40 years from now folks will look at The Last Jedi the way we look at The Empire Strikes Back.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

*10 points to the teats of all aliens who produce blue milk for starving families of the galaxy

Grade: A

11) Mother!

The Bottom Line: Jennifer Lawrence yells at a bunch of people to get out of her house

(AKA: An overly metaphorical metaphor designed to become a cult classic)

Here's the novella 
(If you like your rants irrelevantly long and over extensive check it out. Or don't. Whatever.)

 Mother! is the most polarizing and divisive film of 2017, bar none; perhaps even longer than that.  It’s an outrageous piece of work and no other film this year will be talked about the way folks talked about this one.  If there's one thing everyone can agree on, love it or hate it, the film is going to create discussion and that's simply why it is one of the most important films of the year (now hear me out).

 First of all, the film is definitely not for everyone and the majority of audiences simply will love it or hate it in the end, but make no mistake this AIN'T gonna be everyone's cup of tea. The film is a dark, painful, emotionally draining, spiritually conscious parallel on human nature which exists to torture and explore the most twisted aspects of humanity, God and the world we live in. All religious allegory aside, much of the film is also just a very slow build-up featuring J.Law yelling at people to get out of her house, and it all ends with the most bat-shit insane third act I've seen in a film since Cabin In The Woods. The film never quite delves into the horror genre, but it certainly dances with it.

  It's not even necessarily that I'm in love with the film (and I think I might be) but because it's such a breath of fresh air from all the weekly hot garbage that has plagued the eyeballs of innocent moviegoers week after week, year after year, the most shocking part of the film isn't the ending but the discovery in something that's actually completely different than all the mainstream trash for a change (and make no mistake that ending is pretty f**ked up).

  There have been wild accusations towards this film, some hailing it as a masterpiece, others deeming it the worst movie of the century , but what it boils down to is that the film is not only not at all what was advertised but at the end of the day, great or terrible, it's a completely different experience than whatever it is you you're expecting going in.

   Do yourself a favor. If you have YET to be spoiled, for the love of God watch the film as blind as you can and take it for what you make of it. One of the most beautiful things about it is that while many agree on the film's sometimes far-too-obvious metaphors, it can be interpreted in so many different ways making it worth that post-credits discussion, whether you're raging about how it's one of the worst movies you've ever seen, or whether you're praising it as Aronofsky's magnum opus.

  Folks... The idea of film being an art (let alone a machine of original ideas) is an endangered species. I'm not suggesting that "film is dead" or that there aren't dozens of truly great films each year, but with all the sequels, remakes and comic book movies (all of which I love to their own degree), you almost forget what a truly original film looks like.

  Now I understand the consensus that Mother! is NOT original and that it's filled beginning to finish with lazy, pretentious biblical parallels and metaphorical allegories, and to some degree that's actually not false. But the film is so divisive in its subjective manner of discussion that no one can deny that this is WHY we go to the movies. 

  We go to the movies to be surprised, captivated, filled with emotion; we desire connection and explanation and we want stories that will be talked about for years to come. We want to FEEL something that's not so easily digestible and forgotten the next day (Lord knows we have enough unruly Fast & Furious sequels to cover that base). Positive or negative outlook aside, Mother! WILL be talked about in all those ways and it is because of its divided nature that makes it such a relevant topic in films of 2017. 

  When the A-holes like myself come crawling out from under their rocks to present their annual rankings, make no mistake Mother! is going to be towards the top or bottom of everyone's lists, guaranteed, and it's not necessarily because of the quality of the film itself but because of the constant dwelling in its divisive nature; the endless debate and discussion, whether one person is begging Aronofsky to quit filmmaking or another is eagerly anticipating his next flick.

  And that, folks is what makes film an art.

Grade: B+

-Part V-