Annual: The Films of 2017 - Part III

Onward we march, you filthy heathens!

EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN IN 2017

#53 - 41

#40 - 31

#30 - 21

30) The Lego Batman Movie

The Bottom Line: Maybe the best Batman movie of all time 

(It's certainly the funniest)

I’m going to preface this with an important announcement: I am a grown-ass man. I am a grown-ass man who went to go see The Lego Batman Movie opening weekend and laughed my ass off louder and harder than any small child in the theater (kids need to lighten up - They don't realize how not-funny life is about to get for them).

  Having defended 2014’s The Lego Movie as one of the greatest animated films I've ever seen, I was unnecessarily ecstatic to see Will Arnett in the Caped Crusader spin-off.

  For starters, much like Lego Movie, Lego Batman is so damn snappy in its self awareness that the film somehow improves upon nearly any Batman movie adaptation ever made. The film is laugh-out-loud funny from beginning to finish, with humor that completely rips on every corner of the entire Batman franchise.

  With a ceaseless winking eye that’s constantly keeping the audience in on the gags from opening scene to closing, the film whizzes by in 90-or-so minutes and creates more jokes, references and on-the-nose meta humor that it’s kinda impossible to disrespect this movie (unless of course you’re a total humorless asshole).

  The movie is unbelievably silly and it knows it. It fully embraces the absurdity that breaks more than just the fourth wall. The film breaks walls and barriers you didn’t even realize the Lego universe was capable of, leading to a glorious climax of Lego villains joining forces from multi-verses as far as the eye can see; from non-DC comic book characters down to the f**king EYE OF SAURON FROM LORD OF THE  DAMN RINGS.

  Also, brownie points for reuniting Arrested Development alumni Will Arnett and Michael Cera. Even though we never see their faces, their voice acting chemistry is so strong, they literally make for a perfect Batman & Robin. Zach Galifianakis as The Joker is only icing on the splendid cake.

  It may lack the endless charm, wit and creativity of the original Lego Movie but if there was ever a way to do justice to Lego Batman, THIS was the move.

* 5 points to Michael Cera
*10 points to the eye of Sauron
*50 points to smart Lego humor

Grade: B+

29) 1922

The Bottom Line: An ugly depiction of greed, grief and guilt 

(And by God, just give Thomas Jane an award already)

There have been four major Stephen King film adaptations in 2017 alone and while 1922 may not have the biggest glow of the bunch, it certainly feels closest in tone to the dark, brooding atmosphere of King’s writing.

  The slow-burn thriller embodies all the grim undertones which make us love King’s stories as much as we do. On the surface this is a story about the morals of murder but deep down it’s a thick study on the human psyche of a fractured, stubborn man living in a bygone era of the working class 1920s. The film tackles the gritty nature of the American working man while adding a horrific take on marriage, murder and the morose consequences that can rot within one person.

  The film is a character study and this is easily Thomas Jane’s most memorable role in years. He carries the whole thing by himself that all the production value that goes into it is only icing on this bloody cake (for brownie points, the cinematography and the score are both haunting). This is also very much so a horror film even if it’s mostly psychological horror. It’s a brutally realistic take on broken family morals, damaged relationships and the stubborn silence of fractured men, reminding audiences that even when King’s writing isn’t supernatural it still has the ability to crawl under one’s skin and become utterly terrifying.

  1922 is a bleak, mean-spirited picture that doesn’t hold back, making it one of the more notable King adaptations. It may lack the Blockbuster throwback of a fun-house movie like IT but this is the tone King is known for and if Netflix continues to put out films like this one, we could very well be experiencing a new renaissance of quality King movie adaptations.

*10 points to Thomas Jane
  LONG LIVE THE ONE TRUE PUNISHER

Grade: B

28) The Void (2017 US Release)

The Bottom Line: Like John Carpenter and HP Lovecraft had a glorious mutant-baby 

(AKA a horror lover's fantasy)

  To say that The Void is an all-around great movie would just be false. The film is limited by an incredibly low budget, suffering from weak acting, very thinly written characters and psychological plots that aren't explored enough. That being said, the movie has one goal: to be nothing but pure horror, and it succeeds with flying colors.

  Tracking this film for months, eagerly anticipating the gory outcome, I couldn't expect just how low budget this movie truly was. Taking place pretty much only in an abandoned hospital, the film is very tightly wound in its limited environment but with that low budget, what the filmmakers do with practical effects is an accomplishment that horror movies have been begging for for decades.

  The creature effects; the monsters; the tentacles; the gallons of fake blood are literally some of the most mesmerizing visuals I've seen in a horror movie in my life. In a desensitized age of cheap CGI and jump scares, The Void gets right to the point and by using puppets (and milking their appearances), the scares are not only ten times more realistic but ten times more effective. In 2017 you almost forget what horror movies are supposed to LOOK like. When it comes to the practical effects, The Void nails it so much so that all the film's flaws are forgiven, making this an overall instant classic.

  By mixing elements from The Thing, Hellraiser, Re-Animator and many other gory favorites, The Void has earned its place as one of the best body-horror movies of this decade. Give the filmmakers a bigger budget and they could have one of the best body horror movies ever made.

*100 points to practical effects

Grade: B-

27) Brigsby Bear

The Bottom Line: Kyle Mooney makes a movie wearing a teddy bear costume made by Mark Hamill

(Also, the Lonely Island shows their sweet side)

  Brigsby Bear is a small, scarcely known picture that will probably fly completely under the radar of 2017. It caught my attention for a couple reasons: It was produced by The Lonely Island, and it would star Kyle Mooney and a couple other key figures from the “production company” (YouTube channel) Good Neighbor Stuff. 

  From attaining even the slightest bit of knowledge in regards to either Lonely Island or GNS, one would think that the product film-baby of these two companies joining forces would make for ludicrous, sophomoric behavior filled with tons of outrageously absurd slapstick antics. The end result is none of the above but surprisingly something much more intimate, personal and dare I say, moving?

  When I tell you that the climax of Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, the inanely brilliant 2016 Justin Bieber satire, nearly brought me to tears once the Style Boyz reunited, it wasn’t because the picture was moving, rather than it tapped into the overwhelming resonance the Lonely Island had on my life at that very moment. Having been a fan of theirs since their underground internet shit in 2005, to see a film 11 years later that had become such a real commentary on their career became a little too real for me. But that’s besides the point. When the Lonely-Island-produced Brigsby Bear rung similar emotional resonance with me, it’s because the film was legitimately touching.

  Rather than opting for the crude nature of an R-rated comedy, Mooney and the Island dial the film down so small and sweet that the film could be tweaked to even pass for a PG rating. This is at once the film’s biggest strength and weakness because while it has funny moments, it’s more focused on the tender nature of a grown-ass man embracing his inner man-child (something millions and millions of grown-ass men can relate to). Mooney is so unbelievably awkward as the star but he never once loses the audience. He’s all things charming, tragic, innocent and inspiring.

  It was actually surprising how accurate the film felt in terms of its emotionally clashing themes. The character of James, having come from a secluded life of a bubble that only included his believed-to-be parents and his 80s-style VHS tapes of the fictional show Brigsby Bear, clashing with the real adult world makes for an emotional scope of what it truly means to be “adult,” to “fit in,” but more importantly to express your inner nerd.

  Living in a very present YouTube age of self expressionism through nerd culture, Brigsby Bear is arguably a picture that the world needs right now. It may be TOO precious for some of the more cynical and self aware filmgoers (not to mention Lonely Island fans) but between Mooney’s clumsy charm, the film’s glorious supporting cameos (Mark Hamill shines, even just for a little) and the heartwarming, redemptive tale of movie making, the film bursts with the inner workings of creative energy that is expressed by filmmakers and moviegoers worldwide. 

  And to have a Teddy Ruxpin puppet-looking motherf**ker such as Brigsby as the symbol to express nerd culture as genuinely as the film does, goes to show that this picture was intimately designed to tap into the inner nostalgia of fanboys everywhere.

  Imagine if someone were to take the character of Buddy the Elf in a loose plot of Be Kind Rewind, strung together by The Lonely Island as a love letter to nostalgia. That’s the best combination I can come up with. That’s Brigsby. It’s sweet; it’s inspiring; it’s no Hot Rod, but it’s bound to gain a cult following somewhere along the way.

*3 points to Mark Hamill getting all animated when doing malicious voiceovers
*5 points to The Lonely Island

*10 points to Mooney

Grade: B+/B

26) I Love You, Daddy

The Bottom Line: Perhaps the most ill-timed movie ever made (Maybe even topping The Interview).

Here's the full rant. Check it out if you want my in-depth feelings on the touchy subject. Or don't. Whatever.

Time was not kind to Louis C.K. when the allegations surfaced just prior to this film’s release. Being that Louie’s in a mean spotlight right now it’s difficult to love this movie but if we’re being totally honest, the craft that went into the film is undeniable.

Between the 35mm black & white film, and the big-band orchestra, this was Louie’s Broadway movie. Since the plug pulled on its release, the film has been deemed a travesty, with themes hitting eerily close to home and similarities closer to Manhattan for more reasons than this just being a black & white love letter to the Big Apple.

  Sure the subject matter is especially touchy right now but beneath the film’s surface, there’s a still beating heart to the film, even if that heart is nothing more than commentary on the average American slob of a middle-aged father who can’t keep his shit together (so it’s essentially a more elaborate production of his FX show, Louie).

At the end of the day, as with Woody, what separates the art from the artist?

Regardless, the dust is gonna have to settle before people warm up to this one.

Grade: B

25) T2: Trainspotting

The Bottom Line: T2: JUDGMENT DAY ON DRUGS!

(AKA: If the world really needed a Trainspotting sequel, this wonderful reunion was the way to do it)

One could argue that Trainspotting is one of the many films out there that never called for a sequel. Not only is it a cult classic that shouldn't be tampered with but it ends with such a fitting conclusion that there's almost no desire to return to this broken world of Scotland filled with heroin and hijinks. That said, with not only Danny Boyle returning to the director's chair but with the original cast returning as well, T2 is the best kind of sequel you could ever hope for.

  To get things out of the way, no of course it's not as good as the original (not many sequels are) but the reason T2 works at all is because it's entirely centered around the nostalgia of its lead cast. Picking up 20 years after the original, what T2 does best is that it never once tries to recreate what worked so well with the first one. Instead of having these characters fall back in their old habits with partying, chasing girls and drugs and whatnot, the film explores just how broken and lonely they've all become over two decades.

  Granted the film has plenty of energetic moments; Renton and Sick Boy singing improvised English ballads to a drunken crowd; The Begbie chase sequence set to Frankie Goes to Hollywood's Relax are just some of the many rewarding moments; the film is actually quite depressing in the epiphany of the main characters discovering their purpose in life (or lack of rather) as they come to terms with not being young lads anymore. 

  The film also harks back to direct moments from the original without feeling tacked on, but on the contrary helps boost the present day nostalgia in accepting just how far (or how little) these characters have come in 20 years. You'll laugh, you might cry, you'll definitely feel something.

  If you love Trainspotting, there's no reason you shouldn't love the sequel. It's one of the rare follow-ups that doesn't feel like a cash-grab and it nearly improves upon the original in almost every aspect.

Choose life.
 Again.

Grade: B+/B

24) Lady Bird

The Bottom Line: Dave Matthews Band's 'Crash Into Me' is served justice, not once, but TWICE

AKA: I'm 18, I do what I want: The Movie

(Also, Saoirse and Greta are the dream team)

If there has been any indication that 2017 has been the year of A24 Films, Lady Bird is the nail in the coffin, as in, the film f**king NAILED it in terms of just being a straight-up, straightforward, sweet little coming of age film that would have felt generic in the hands of just anyone.

But this ain't just anyone we're talking about, folks. It's Greta f**king Gerwig (IT'S THE F**KING CATALINA WINE MIXER) and honestly, I hate relying on the argument that "we should only praise the film because it's female driven" (which is my argument against Wonder Woman, for example) because while yes, Lady Bird deserves brownie points for indeed being a 100% female-centric film, it's also just a remarkably well snipped together picture.

Gerwig keeps the focus tight on Saoirse Ronan (who's arguably one of the best young actresses working today) and everything from the snappy script, to the astute direction, to Ronan's acting, is impeccable. That's not to say the film itself is anything spectacularly out of the ordinary (a coming of age story we've seen many times, no doubt) but it's the WAY in which the film is constructed that keeps the film feeling not only smart and original, but a damned breath of fresh air from all the weekly, hot garbage churning out of the box office.

  Also, editors never receive the credit they deserve and whoever snipped this film together deserves a g**damn pat on the back. Even when characters speak, the film will often frame other actions taking place at the same time to showcase the intensely overwhelming and actively hormonal world of Sacramento. The film knows how to present moments of pure silence and intimacy to capture the emotional roller coaster of transitioning to adulthood, and it does so splendidly.

  The film is lovely. It's poignant, it's meaningful, it's well made. It's a tender mother-daughter piece just as much as it's a self aware rebelliousness against the expectations of young adults. And yes, Crash Into Me is used twice and more impressively, both times it plays it is during a crucial moment in Lady Bird coming to terms with where she is in her romantic stage of life, and who she is truly becoming as an adult.

  Lady Bird is not the best picture of 2017. It is often reminiscent of last year’s Edge of Seventeen (which I found to be much better). THAT SAID, while it is indeed a small film it is also a well constructed, straightforward story; a rare accomplishment for films these days. And because of that, Lady Bird should be saluted by all.

*100 points to DMB

Grade: A-/B+

23) The Big Sick

The Bottom Line: My Big, Fat, Pakistani Coma

(AKA: a gloriously tolerable and refreshing rom-com)

To start things off, The Big Sick is most definitely a romantic comedy. And I LOATHE the romantic comedy more than almost any other genre in all of cinema. Rom-coms worked in the 80s and even for the modern day, I appreciate when someone like Judd Appatow gives a new spin on rom-coms by showing them from an honest male perspective, but for the most part, the pre McConnaissance days of Kate Hudson romantic comedies have evolved the genre into a detestable, insufferable, formulaic machine of pure waste. The genre is an absolute disease to film.

  THAT SAID, The Big Sick works entirely because it exists upon pre-existing rom-com tropes and goes against nearly all of the audience’s expectations. This specifically refreshing take on the genre indeed ranks the film towards the top of the more notable pictures of 2017, with nearly all of the film’s accomplishments being due to the charming and witty script from star Kumail Nanjiani and his off-screen wife Emily V. Gordon; the script that’s based on their actual, real life relationship (10 points to real life).

  Yes, this is a film that’s not only based on a true story but literally written and driven by the couple who lived it, so immediately the film gains brownie points by being holistically on the nose with its tropes that are both actually romantic AND funny without being your average (or even above average) “romantic comedy.”

  The film ultimately works because it gets right to the point and doesn’t spoon-feed the audience familiar tropes that we expect to take place. Sure the first act of the film starts to feel like that old familiar-feeling rom com, but once the plot kicks in the story becomes much more about Kumail’s relationship with Emily’s parents rather than Emily (and it’s easily the best aspect of the film). The whole thing works because it never stops shifting expectations.

  At the end of the day, the film can’t help but eventually fall into the rom-com trap even if it’s much less subtle, ambiguous and against the grain than other notable flicks to muster their way through the lovey-dovey formula garbage. That said, the film is endlessly honest and respects the intelligence of the audience. It’s funny but it’s also smart and realistic. It’s much closer to 500 Days of Summer than 50 First Dates.

  As far as the icing on the cake goes, Emily’s parents played by Holly Hunter and Ray Romano arguably steal the show. They’re the perfect mix of cool parents and comically struggling couple, and they’re arguably the most likable characters in the film. As far as Kumail’s parents go, they serve a much more traditional piece of Pakistani culture who give the film a truly in-depth commentary on family. There are some self aware inside jokes in regards to the family’s Muslim beliefs, almost making Kumail’s family reminiscent of My Big Fat Greek Wedding (this isn’t a bad thing). What counts is that while honest, the film stays funny (and for the most part it does).

  The whole film is genuinely humorous, honest, earnest, and well deserving of its silly romance. Kumail is a super funny dude and he deserves to write more stuff with his wife. The Big Sick may be a small film but in terms of what it’s going for, it’s enormous.

Also, Zoe Kazan is absolutely adorable.

*10 points to Kumail
*20 points to tolerable rom-coms

Grade: B+

22) I, Tonya

The Bottom Line: Margot Robbie is supposed to play a 15-year-old, and then a 23-year-old 
(and if you can suspend your disbelief, she’ll knock your socks off).

I, Tonya  contains one of the best ensemble casts of 2017. Robbie is proving to be one of the most aggressively talented upcoming actresses in recent memory and she absolutely killed the role of Tonya Harding. That said, Allison Janney deserves an Oscar nod as Tonya’s mother, and Sebastian Stan needs to do less Marvel and more drama because the dude can seriously act.

  One part underdog story, one part FBI investigation, I, Tonya is the allegedly true (and allegedly f**ked up) story of how tough-as-shit Tonya Harding rose to become one of the most notable figure skaters in US history, and how she ultimately became roped up in an accused attack against opponent Nancy Kerrigan. 

 We bounce back and forth between the characters in the present each recalling the Nancy attack from their point of view and it ends up portraying a brilliant technique of what may or may not have actually went down during that time.  Everything from the clever documentary style to the unraveling of the chaotic "semi-true" story is engaging, whether it be how fast one story can ruin a person’s life or whether it simply be commentary on the presentation of US sports and its “proper” American portrayal. 

 The film is at times brutal and doesn’t hold back whether characters are abusing each other physically or emotionally. The entire cast is phenomenal but it's Robbie who continues to prove her raw talent and I, Tonya is a glorious showcase for her career.

*5 points to Stan
*10 points to Robbie
*15 points to Janney

YOU GO, JANNEY

Grade: B+

21) The Meyerowitz Stories

The Bottom Line: 
Baumbach’s Tenenbaums 

(Adam Sandler proves once again he's a remarkable actor, and not a moron)

  There’s something about filmmakers like Noah Baumbach who create pictures that are so human you almost forget how wishy-washy Hollywood has made the film industry over the years.

 Films like The Meyerowitz Stories are true reminders of what it feels like for an audience to connect with their characters. Regardless of the small ensemble as a whole, Dustin Hoffman, Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler all hold it down keeping the script alive and the direction believable.

  Adam Sandler has churned out so much garbage in his career, you almost forget that he’s a legitimately talented actor. Here he’s outstanding and this is easily some of the best acting Sandler has ever done. The same goes for Stiller but Stiller’s ranged a lot more dramedy in his career that it’s not as notable (although there’s a bit where he weeps and it’s remarkably compelling). Grace Van Patten as the Meyerowitz sister might be the unsung hero, Emma Thompson is wonderful as expected, and Hoffman kills it as always (Here he plays a likable asshole).

  What’s brilliant about Baumbach’s writing is how believable it all is. He captures the smallest bits of passive aggressive nature that the film is almost too human for how relatable it is. There’s almost no primary action going on between the characters but their dialogue is so sharp and standoffish, some of it could slice butter, making this one of the more realistic commentaries on a standard, broken family tree, and the end result is one that is all things tragic, funny and poignant.

  Many folks have compared the film to Royal Tenenbaums and because it’s an emotionally compelling story about one dysfunctional family, I see the comparison but because Baumbach’s focus is smaller, tighter and edgier it feels more real than the world of Wes Anderson.
  Sure it may not look as sleek or feel as classy but it’s that family dynamic that makes the final product feel more human than almost any other film of 2017.

*10 points to Sandler for stepping out of the comedy bubble again
YOU GO, SANDMAN

Grade: B+

-Part IV-