Annual: The Films of 2018 - Part IV

Welcome to the B-List, you beautiful low-lives

(This is where things start to heat up)

EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN IN 2018

#67 - 51

#50 - 41
#40 - 31
#30 - 21

** Best Black Mirror episode that's not a Black Mirror episode: 

#30. Upgrade

The Bottom Line: Hardcore Hardy

AKA: A Formulaic Premise Upgraded to Glorious B-Movie Shlock (which stars a faux Tom Hardy)

Anybody who's seen 2016’s experimental POV action-exploitation film Hardcore Henry has seen Upgrade, but even with an identical premise, this is perhaps the better (and surprisingly more gory) movie. Also, Logan Marshall-Green might as well be the Walmart brand Tom Hardy, but he’s still excellent goddammit. With a Black Mirror twist the film hardwires a paralyzed Grey (Marshall-Green) with a Siri-type of futuristic sci-fi technology called STEM, which not only speaks to Grey but takes full control of his body when needed, primarily in defense when killing bad guys, and when Grey/STEM does kill the bad guys the going gets absolutely NUTTY. The film heavily relies on slick hand to hand combat, much of which appears to be performed by Marshall-Green himself. As far as the justifiable violence goes, in transforming STEM’s abilities from comically helpful Siri to straight-up killing machine, the film needs to make the nano technology both smart and threatening enough, so the thresholds of the A.I. is put to use by going full blown body horror, instilling all the fear of where smart technology will end up one day. And regardless of the formulaic plot, Upgrade just kicks ass and isn’t afraid to be anything more than a movie that kicks ass. 

GET UPGRADED HERE

+5 points to skull-f**kingly awesome action

Grade: B

** Most clever use of sexploitation: 

#29. Revenge (2018 US Release)

The Bottom Line: The Best French Exploitation B-Movie You're Not Watching

AKA: A Raw & Bloody Portrait of Female Sexuality

Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz is a total babe and not just because of her blonde locks, her baby blue eyes, or her knockout body that's just dripping with sexuality; no, no. That's all good and fine, but once Lutz takes on the role of the distraught and shattered warrior that is the character of Jen, she literally becomes ten times hotter. The fact that a movie that's this explicitly violent and f**king brutal is directed by a WOMAN deserves a standing ovation. French writer-director Coralie Fargeat has transformed one of the biggest cliches in Hollywood into a personal love letter of punishment against rape. We've conditioned ourselves to want to see the bad guys 'get it' in the end and Fargeat twists the revenge of Jen in such a way that seeing these rapey boars get slaughtered by this one, tiny, powerful woman is the kinda thing that'll make you want to stand up and cheer for female dominance in cinema. Make no mistake, Revenge is a B-movie and should be treated as such. This is a Western tale of bloody violence and brutal murder for the sake of justice, that's also a cheap exploitation movie; a flick so powerful in its themes that the film's faults are forgiven. Yes, it's low budget, has continuity errors, features some B-level acting but when it hits, it hits f**king HARD. I mean, the climax of the film is literally an unforgettable blood bath which only cements Fargeat with brass balls. She puts Lutz through absolute hell and the two fully earned their dues with this flick. If Revenge is proof of anything it's that cinema needs more women like this.

GET FULL REVENGE HERE

*10,000 points to the ladies

Grade: B

** Best way of getting out of being a Cloverfield movie: 

#28. Overlord

The Bottom Line: The Splatter Horror Movie Sensation of 2018 

(Bound to be completely forgotten)

                              

Under the limited circumstances of what the film sets out to achieve, Overlord accomplishes a feat that many films of 2018 have been unable to: Get right to the goddamned point. This one is already being dubbed ‘Call of Duty: Nazi Zombies’ and it earns that title far beyond it simply feeling like a dope-ass video game experience. It's actually kinda f**king awesome. Overlord works not just because it contains actual character development, but more so because director Julius Avery isn't going for anything more than B-movie schlock, so once he does let his experiment of a movie run wild, he isn't afraid to get his boots muddy and push some boundaries. Like the evolving experiments themselves, as we only dive deeper into said Nazi secrets; as we unravel the fictitious wonders of how far Hitler’s madness could stretch, the more absurd and horrific (and all the more better) the film becomes. Also, for this shit to be as hard-R as it is, horror fans will get giddy wondering where this level of gore, splatter and pure body horror had been hiding out this past year. When the gross-out imagery DOES land... Well, let’s just say there’s a scene in an attic where a dude keeps reanimating and the way the scene culminates doesn't just make for one of the most intense and shocking moments of 2018 films, but one of the most plain-old gnarly as f**k.

READ THE WHOLE EXPERIMENT HERE

*10 points to movies that aren’t afraid to get gory

*15 points to J.J. who despite getting mad disrespect from haters, still knows how to back a solid project

*20 points to Avery for mixing Nazis, zombies, mutants and successfully snowballing them into the horror genre

F---IN’ A
Grade: B

#27. Isle of Dogs

The Bottom Line: A Weak Wes Is Still Better Than The Rest 

 Isle of Dogs is very much so in the same vein as 2009’s Fantastic Mr. Fox for more reasons than them both featuring stop motion puppet animation. Both films feature quirky stories with high stakes crime plots that involve escape missions, perilous danger, and offbeat humor to balance out the devastating nature to their calm-behaved, lovable animal protagonists. To a degree, these movies are impressively crafted pictures with complex plot lines but also operate in being innocently simplistic; flicks that the whole family can enjoy. With an all-star cast ranging from Bryan Cranston to Ed Norton to Bill Murray to Jeff Goldblum, Dogs is an irresistible piece of charm that both pays tribute to Japanese culture while still feeling like a true, typical Wes Anderson film. On top of that, Wes also throws in all kinds of references from robots to shots that echo the films of Akira Kurosawa. It’s a wonderfully snowballed concoction of Japanese culture dressed up in quirky, hipster clothing. The film is also funny in ways that only Wes knows how to be. A scene will contain one moment where there’s an intense standoff between two packs of dogs, only to be followed by a cartoon dust cloud of said dogs fighting. We never once see them attack each other; just the comedic dust cloud. It’s as if Wes is channeling both Seven Samurai and Looney Tunes in the same beat.

Guys it's a movie about DOGS it's impossible to dislike.

SEE ALL THE DOGS HERE

*20 points to Wes
*1,000 points to every dog 
(they’re good boys)

Grade: B/B+

** Second-Best weight gain from an actor, for a film:

** Best use of parenting as a horror movie:

#26. Tully

The Bottom Line: Are you SURE you want children?

AKA: A Horrifically Honest Plunge Into Parenthood

  Tully is a horror movie for parenting. Straight up. It is the ultimate portrayal of the terrors that are guaranteed to plague new parents with any insufferable, screaming, wailing, pants-shitting newborn infant baby that’s brought into this cruel, overpopulated world. It’s also a sweet, somber people-picture about two hip ladies who bond, as portrayed by some of Hollywood’s best-working actresses today. Granted, Diablo Cody really knocks the dialogue out of the park and Jason Reitman knows how to direct in a humanistic fashion, Tully brings the worst out of its actors in the best possible way. Save for her putting on weight and a disheveled face, Theron is thrown through the ringer as the overly tired mother Marlo. Theron wears Marlo were she the sleeping mask she desperately clings to in order to gain a moment’s peace, while Mackenzie Davis’ title character Tully is the perfect antidote of young, spry and spontaneous against Theron’s disheveled, defeated mother. The two women roll off each other so organically, pedaling the picture towards a raw, brutal direction in ways that are horrifyingly realistic (even if containing one of the most polarizing endings of any film of 2018).

HERE'S THE WHOLE FORMULA

*5 points to Reitman
*5 points to Cody
*10 points to Davis
*20 points to Theron

-10 points to the demonic, blood-curdling screams that come from the mouths of babes.

Grade: B/B+

** Best Spike Lee movie in over ten years, maybe even twenty: 

#25. BlacKkKlansman

The Bottom Line: Make America Black Again

If a Trump presidency has produced anything positive at all, it's the powerfully progressive films that have come out since his election.

While Spike Lee has been big on shoving racially and politically charged themes down the audience's throats past, with Klansman he lets the story organically breathe from the pages and the mind of Ron Stallworth who actually lived out this unbelievably true story (even if Spike’s protesting voice is still loud and clear). Lee just happens to be the most fitting driver to harness the exact type of aggression and passion for a vehicle this heavy and relevant. He also keeps the film at a self aware level that's at times outrageous and hilarious. BlacKkKlansman works because it’s so much more than just a strong message. It harks back to Spike’s roots by delivering quality storytelling with rich characters in a thematic drama that’s at-times genuinely funny. In this sense, Spike has crafted his most genuine, poignant, satirical and human picture since 'Do The Right Thing'.

READ THE WHOLE STALLWORTH STORY HERE

*25 points to Spike

Grade: B+

** Most clever use of sound-design in a film, perhaps ever:

#24. A Quiet Place

The Bottom Line: Brilliant, Frustrating, and (Almost) Entirely Original

THE UGLY:
Why on God's green Earth would you bring a screaming, crying, infant BABY into this world, let alone during this specific monster apocalypse where making SOUNDS results in being ripped apart by giant, alien bugs?

THE BAD:
Why not live near the Hoover dam? Or any loud creek? Or, oh I don't know, anywhere but a quiet-ass FARM?
Also, the CGI bug-monsters were nearly dreadful. They were shown far too often and they looked just like cheap Demogorgons from Stranger Things.

THE GOOD:
Literally everything else.

For an unfortunately flawed film, the direction, concept and structure of AQP are so utterly brilliant and horrifyingly original, that I indubitably can't be mad at the film's faults. I mean. Nearly the WHOLE movie is spoken in sign language, and I've never seen anything like that in a film. If it weren't for the clever premise nothing about this film would have worked. The fact that Krasinski as a director is so masterfully skilled at executing nail-biting tension to this degree is all things outstanding. Sure the 'family-surviving-a-monster-apocalypse' plot feels reminiscent of Signs, or It Comes At Night, but what Krasinski does with his replacement of most sounds makes for a breathtaking result that almost outmatches its familiar horror predecessors, even if it holds back on going full-blown hard R horror (curse you, Krasinski). Make no mistake, all jump scares aside, moments of terror ensue and they're cut short or cut away from completely, taking away from the potential for the film to be truly horrific. The plot of AQP ain't a groundbreaking horror movie, but the way it's constructed is unlike anything I've seen in the horror genre, perhaps ever.

STAY QUIET HERE

*10 points to Krasinski for doing horror better than most horror filmmakers*

*20 points to sign language - That shit is underrated*

Concept: A+
Grade: B

** Most notable landmark for comic book movies:

#23. Black Panther

The Bottom Line: Maybe be the best entry in the MCU since it began, if not the most original.

(At the very least it’s a cultural footprint for cinema. Mad props)

Black Panther is the most culturally significant comic book movie ever made, not just because of what it does for people of color but because it's also just an incredible movie by itself, and that alone merits it any and all praise it receives. It breaks down all the barriers of race, gender and cultural relevance with its empowerment of not just generations of Africans, but powerful women, and allover folks who are living on the backs of ancestors who encountered slavery but also were raised on pure, tribal culture; themes that are expressed in a comic book movie of all things... Yes, it's a reminder of how white-washed and how male driven Hollywood's been since the dawn of cinema, but it's also a reminder of how culturally relevant the film is for ALL parties. For a comic book movie in general, the action is breathtaking but the best parts of the film are the ones that explores the humanistic themes of family, tradition, and revenge. Panther of course can't escape the formulaic clutches of the MCU workflow, but Panther is also too grand a film to be confined to the barriers of the 'comic book movie' genre. It's a much bigger picture than any of us can grasp and that's why it's so important. 

Also, I can’t remember the last comic book movie I watched that had action scenes staged to trap music.

HERE'S THE WHOLE WRITE-UP

*5 points to Kendrick Lamar

Grade: B+

** Best remake (while being a meta commentary on Lady Gaga's career):

#22. A Star Is Born (2018)

The Bottom Line: The First Shoe-In For Best Picture Nom of 2018

AKA: Lady Gaga’s Nose: The Musical

For being a third major motion picture adaptation, a directorial debut from Bradley Cooper, and a first legitimately big-screen performance from Lady Gaga, A Star Is Born is everything extravagant as a film should be. One part underdog story, another part struggling addiction, ASIB heavily borrows from classic Hollywood tropes in terms of a broken artist helping small town kid; folks pouring out blood, sweat and tears in order to make it, and the way in which the film exudes these familiar themes in an original breath of fresh air is nothing short of raw and incredibly gut wrenching. Much like La La Land, Star is a complete ode to old Hollywood, but rather than pay homage to the glitz and glam Cooper pulls back the curtain to reveal just how much hell his characters go through in order to gain success. On that stage is Gaga who impressively holds her own and Cooper harnesses her energy to every degree; for all her genuine talents just as much of her faults. Cooper deserves credit because he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty as a director, making ASIB feel like the work of someone who understands the struggle behind fame and addiction without it feeling cliched. The entire thing boils down to Gaga and Cooper who explode with a musical energy that feels like the stuff of Johnny Cash and June Carter; an unmistakable chemistry that anchors all those themes of love and sacrifice and all that heavy hearted shit.

LONG LIVE COOPER AND THE LADY

“Hey... Just wanted to take another look at you.”
*UGLY CRYING*

HERE'S THE EXTENDED MUSICAL NUMBER

*10 points to Cooper

*10 points to Gaga

Grade: A-

** Best use of Melissa McCarthy in a film ever: 

#21. Can You Ever Forgive Me?

The Bottom Line: Punch Drunk McCarthy

Can *I* ever forgive Melissa?
For Tammy?
For The Boss??
For Ghostbusters???
For Life of the Party????
For Happytime Murders?????

Can I ever forgive Melissa for taking so long to trade her clumsy-ass schtick for one of the most LITERAL Oscarworthy and gut wrenching performances of 2018?

You’re goddamn right I can.           

  The sobering true story of renowned author Lee Israel is certainly a sympathetic one; the tale of a mean, broke, lonely, middle aged, struggling writer/cat-lady in the early 90s trying to find her creative voice after peaking with The NY Times, and having since been rejected by most people and alienating even more; a pathetic figure who turns to alcohol for relief and infringement fraud in order to make just enough cash to tend to her sick cat; it's tragic, it's funny, it's poignant. All that said, yeah CYEFM is a character piece that you feel for, even if Israel is often a terrible person. But much like Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love, McCarthy finally steps out of the goofy shadow and into a respectable performance that maintains the comedian’s wit while portraying a harrowing tale about being a broken middle-aged adult with no clear vision of a purpose in this miserable life. McCarthy does more than sell the role; she embodies Israel in a heartbreaking manner were the part written for her.

  And as good as McCarthy is, it's Richard E. Grant who accents the belligerent behavior these characters share, and their chemistry is so good the two could sell an entire Broadway show of just Lee and Jack sitting at a bar drowning in their sorrow for two hours. There's something indescribably touching about watching two lonely, vulgar, outspoken drunks in their 50s who go about the streets of Manhattan shouting, cursing and pulling pranks on other people. It's not only cynically funny, but for characters who feel so lifeless, Israel and Hock together bring life out of one another and it is indeed in their relationship that the crux of Forgive Me survives. If anything Marielle Heller’s direction is astounding because it's subtle; it moves through the characters rather than the plot. The two leads are so charming that the infringement plots of fraud, while intriguing only play fiddle to who Lee and Jack are strictly as people, making 'Can You Ever Forgive Me?' perhaps the flat-out best character piece of 2018.

DRINK THE WHOLE THING UP HERE

*25 points to Richard E. Grant
*50 points to McCarthy

GIVE THESE PEOPLE ALL THE NOMS

Grade: A-

- #20-11 -